somewhere between.

It's the summer time again. just like that. In the midst of my sophomore year I thought it would never end but toward the end I knew it was all catching up and time had begun slipping through my fingerstips. Somewhere between the falling autumn leaves and new summer air it slipped. and I couldn't stop it and I couldn't pause it. All I could do was resign. It wasn't a despair but almost a curious resigning. Where had all the time gone? Where had all the studying and stress gone? Where had the sunsets and early mornings gone? Where had Kyrie gone?

enjoy you moment. enjoy those people around you. those ones you love.

Kyrie left yesterday. She left for Maryland and then off to Philly for art school and no, she has not died but no longer will she live on my hall, in my room, and on my bed. She'll no longer be a simple shout away and I won't be able to spot her over by the windows at 1pm in the great hall with eric. I won't be calling her anymore asking when she'll be back or if she wants to go to pancakes in the morning at the kaufmans or just sleep in. No more calls of "where are you? i'm coming" or "do you want to go to starbucks for a caramel machiotto?" It's the day to day I'll miss. It's the knowing she's in arm's length and the comfort that offered. It's the feeling that I can never overdo my welcome with her, that I'll never tire her listening ears. It's that simple yet profound knowledge that someone knows you completely and yet they love you in spite of it. they get you. and they don't need you to speak all the time either. you can relax.

kyrie's dear to me.

and yet I very much see the good at the same time. There's this huge hole that she left yesterday, almost like part of me was chopped off when I hugged her and let her walk away. There's no pretty way to say it. and yet this hole even now has begun to fill, knowing that it had to happen sometime and knowing that Kyrie is so beautiful and where she is going is only going to strengthen that beauty and as silly as it sounds, I have to share her. I want to share her. I want her to be sprinkled over the lives of others, the cities and schools of someplace else because I want others to experience the calm and consistent, the patient and persevering love that she gave me. I will miss her blond tossled hair, her warmly lit room, and her constantly creative eye. But I can let her go at the same time so unbelievably grateful that I was given my time with Kyrieanna and that I know her better then I ever before. And really... it makes me grateful for those still around me and eager to spend time with them. to love.

to listen to kiko as she talks about the girl who cuts herself and needs a home in her foster agency. to go with chelsey when she picks out her puppy tomorrow. to treasure every dear conversation with michael on the porch in the evenings.

they're here. and i love them. so dearly.

and the truth is that God does give and then at times, he takes away, sometimes even people. but I'm realizing that if we just try and look around, not even that intensely. but if we just look he's taking care. he knows us so well, hemmed us in behind and before. what a freeing truth this is and sitting on my bed tonight in this new and charming house I get to call my own, tucked pleasantly inside st. elmo, I know that truth has given me peace. he's got me. he knows me. and he's taking care.