The z-score equals x minus the mean divided by the standard deviation. Don't forget to convert it to the area percentage and subtract it by .50. Make your bell curve, fill in the difference and then convert it to a a percentage again.
I think that was it. These words were scrambling through my fragile mind this morning as I waited at the bus stop and later walking briskly through the math lab to check out a graphing calculator. It was a morning that concepts were becoming friends and allowed me the 8 hours rest I needed last night. They didn't scare... only in this strange way but most happy way... excited me. I'm learning the language. This math language or at least I think I am. The score of my test will bare witness tomorrow morning. I'll wait patiently while sitting outside on this sunny Chattanoogan day at Panera, sipping my cold water and waiting for the bus to take me to my oh so precious job.
I didn't think I'd get it. I wasn't supposed to.
I had applied early February and then remembered I had to take a math course during my summer. my application was already in process though so I called New City, the internship I had applied for, and they said they'd see what they could do but the class would interupt the middle of my day and since I'd be working with inner city kids, the middle of their's as well. That was the last thing the kids needed. They needed consistency and they need stable and devoted people in their lives. If I came and went throughout their days it would only contribute to the instability of their lives at home.
I understood. I wanted people in their lives that could do what it didn't look like I'd be ale to. I was sad but started applying for service jobs around Chattanooga for the summer. It was long, tiresome, and humbling to let go of the internship and talk to managers of greenlife, hair go-go and more. I respect these people and I saw the lure in these jobs as well. even wanted one that I'd found. But I couldn't get the kids out of my mind. I wanted to learn, engage, be stretched to a capacity that would not only begin to understand their lives but in some distant dream be someone they'd remember and just possibly learn something from too. I wanted this two-way street.
So I started praying. I told these things to God and asked him if he'd please make a way but if not, then give me peace in something else and provide the interns for New City with a similar longing to be alongside these children and the issues in their lives.
Then I got an interview.
They knew my hours were complicated but they wanted to know more. At this point I was pretty settled on doing something different this summer. I needed to take this math class and I had no other choice but to place that first in my priorities. The kids had to come second. It was the sad reality. During the interview though my longing reopened and their questions spilled endless avenues in me of a sincere desire to be a part of New City Fellowship and their outreach to the inner city kids of Chattanooga. I started remembering Mercyships and the Children's Program I'd worked with in Cambridge. Ministry was back in the front lines of my mind and after being asked New City's questions and listening to my answers so quickly slip out, every other job I'd been looking at, fell into a distant and faraway 2nd. I remember calling Michael with this passion reopened adn just asking him to pray.
"I want this job so bad and I just realized it again. Please pray."
3 days later I got a letter of acceptance. it was in the middle of exams and a whirlwind of planning, packing, and moving to Vincent and Kiko's house in St. Elmo for the summer. The acceptance seemed to land in the middle of it all with this unexplainable peace and wave of disbelief. I stopped. Everything loud around me grew quiet and still and that feeling of utter joy and hope came over me and all I could hear was something very pretty. I knew my prayers had been answered and I knew I had just been accepted into one of the most challenging summers yet. But I took it. With fear but without reservation.
Somehow they had worked it out for me to come in at 12, after my class, and be there everyday for the kids 2nd half of the day and then work after care for the 6-10 kids until the evening. After this week when my class ends, I'll start coming in at 10 and accompaning teh reading and community classes I already teach I'll get to go with them to their rap and step classes they have in the morning and we'll learn together.
I tell people honestly, I always have, when I'm asked how I like my job and it's not often an "I love it." but this summer and right now that's my honest answer.
I come home exhausted, lugging my timbuk2 bag behind me and looking nothing like I did when I left 7am that morning. I can't seem to get through to devin and andrew, to kathlindria and Amador. Genesis tries me everyday with her strong will and center of attention disposition. Darryl's sad and quiet, and way over-emotional for his age and I'm slowely (very slowely) earning his trust. Destiny is cruel to Christine without end and has a stubborn side that is looking unbreakable. My voice is fading adn my throat hurts within a hour of being there. I'm know I'm only going to get more tired.
But at the end of the day and during, it's exactly where I'm supposed to be and I treasure it. Kids arn't easy. They test everything. Trust is one of the hardest things to earn. Understanding on every side, this two-way street, is a long and sometimes endless road. It's all consuming.
And I'm so grateful that God has given me just enough energy for each passing day. The bus is here. The kids are waiting. I must go.
I think that was it. These words were scrambling through my fragile mind this morning as I waited at the bus stop and later walking briskly through the math lab to check out a graphing calculator. It was a morning that concepts were becoming friends and allowed me the 8 hours rest I needed last night. They didn't scare... only in this strange way but most happy way... excited me. I'm learning the language. This math language or at least I think I am. The score of my test will bare witness tomorrow morning. I'll wait patiently while sitting outside on this sunny Chattanoogan day at Panera, sipping my cold water and waiting for the bus to take me to my oh so precious job.
I didn't think I'd get it. I wasn't supposed to.
I had applied early February and then remembered I had to take a math course during my summer. my application was already in process though so I called New City, the internship I had applied for, and they said they'd see what they could do but the class would interupt the middle of my day and since I'd be working with inner city kids, the middle of their's as well. That was the last thing the kids needed. They needed consistency and they need stable and devoted people in their lives. If I came and went throughout their days it would only contribute to the instability of their lives at home.
I understood. I wanted people in their lives that could do what it didn't look like I'd be ale to. I was sad but started applying for service jobs around Chattanooga for the summer. It was long, tiresome, and humbling to let go of the internship and talk to managers of greenlife, hair go-go and more. I respect these people and I saw the lure in these jobs as well. even wanted one that I'd found. But I couldn't get the kids out of my mind. I wanted to learn, engage, be stretched to a capacity that would not only begin to understand their lives but in some distant dream be someone they'd remember and just possibly learn something from too. I wanted this two-way street.
So I started praying. I told these things to God and asked him if he'd please make a way but if not, then give me peace in something else and provide the interns for New City with a similar longing to be alongside these children and the issues in their lives.
Then I got an interview.
They knew my hours were complicated but they wanted to know more. At this point I was pretty settled on doing something different this summer. I needed to take this math class and I had no other choice but to place that first in my priorities. The kids had to come second. It was the sad reality. During the interview though my longing reopened and their questions spilled endless avenues in me of a sincere desire to be a part of New City Fellowship and their outreach to the inner city kids of Chattanooga. I started remembering Mercyships and the Children's Program I'd worked with in Cambridge. Ministry was back in the front lines of my mind and after being asked New City's questions and listening to my answers so quickly slip out, every other job I'd been looking at, fell into a distant and faraway 2nd. I remember calling Michael with this passion reopened adn just asking him to pray.
"I want this job so bad and I just realized it again. Please pray."
3 days later I got a letter of acceptance. it was in the middle of exams and a whirlwind of planning, packing, and moving to Vincent and Kiko's house in St. Elmo for the summer. The acceptance seemed to land in the middle of it all with this unexplainable peace and wave of disbelief. I stopped. Everything loud around me grew quiet and still and that feeling of utter joy and hope came over me and all I could hear was something very pretty. I knew my prayers had been answered and I knew I had just been accepted into one of the most challenging summers yet. But I took it. With fear but without reservation.
Somehow they had worked it out for me to come in at 12, after my class, and be there everyday for the kids 2nd half of the day and then work after care for the 6-10 kids until the evening. After this week when my class ends, I'll start coming in at 10 and accompaning teh reading and community classes I already teach I'll get to go with them to their rap and step classes they have in the morning and we'll learn together.
I tell people honestly, I always have, when I'm asked how I like my job and it's not often an "I love it." but this summer and right now that's my honest answer.
I come home exhausted, lugging my timbuk2 bag behind me and looking nothing like I did when I left 7am that morning. I can't seem to get through to devin and andrew, to kathlindria and Amador. Genesis tries me everyday with her strong will and center of attention disposition. Darryl's sad and quiet, and way over-emotional for his age and I'm slowely (very slowely) earning his trust. Destiny is cruel to Christine without end and has a stubborn side that is looking unbreakable. My voice is fading adn my throat hurts within a hour of being there. I'm know I'm only going to get more tired.
But at the end of the day and during, it's exactly where I'm supposed to be and I treasure it. Kids arn't easy. They test everything. Trust is one of the hardest things to earn. Understanding on every side, this two-way street, is a long and sometimes endless road. It's all consuming.
And I'm so grateful that God has given me just enough energy for each passing day. The bus is here. The kids are waiting. I must go.
~dear chelsey and me with her new volkswagon!~
4 comments:
You must be taking statistics? Is that what that complicated math lingo is?? It sounds familiar, i think I spoke that language once..?
I will keep you in my prayers, Sienner. It sounds like your days are long and exhausting, but fulfilling. What a blessing! Hope God keeps challenging you this summer and keeps you close to Him!
If I can pray for you in ANY specific ways please let me know! text, or e-mail even. Love you!
(ps. any package arrive for you yet?)
talk about INSPIRING!
thanks for this entry.
love you!
-linnea taylor
enjoyed this post alot-can you put pics on flicker of your kids and you at work?
yes, i was going to do that today. im bringing a camera to work today AND we're going skating! supa pumped.
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