blur of change

school starts in a couple days and i don't know if i'm ready but I think I'm getting excited. certain things make my little heart jump.... like rooming with Liz Cain and being able to participate in a 5th grade classroom this year. Like being on a mountain again with dear souls who I've learned to value even more with a summer away from each of them and studying education again after a summer of working intensely with the youth of chattanooga.

but then I lose my evenings with Kiko on the porch and running errands with Bets in the honda accord I had for the summer. i'll miss the consistent dinners Vincent would prepare and the quiet evenings in a house I could call my own. I'll miss the address of Beulah avenue and pulling in each evening, walking into my kitchen and out the back door to play with borus. I'll miss my work at New City and the community I fell in love with there. I'll miss these summer days that fell across me like cool rain drops filling me with such refreshment and the loveliest sense of freedom. So many talks and open window car rides with dear Chelsey...

intensity and sleepless nights are so close by and rigorous weekends with stressful evenings. I know school is a privilege but if I can just say it plainly....

it's just so hard.
I have to work very hard to get good grades and Kyrie, Helen, and Bethany have all gone to a different school... 3 very big people of influence and guidance in my life. Pray that God will provide and that I will trust him to do so and love others without reserve. I feel anger at these three being gone and wanting to push others away in response and I don't want to be this way.

there is a good change in my life... my bestest friend just came back from prague! and he's just the change I needed in my day to days.